pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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