I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
