News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
