i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
