he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
and she was petting her beer can
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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