I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
