Your dad touched me again.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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