found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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