Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
