WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
