worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
