yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
