I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
