I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
