I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
