btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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