I accidentally had phone sex last night
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
