Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
