I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
