How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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