My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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