fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
