i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
