i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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