last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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