I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
