Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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