I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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