Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
do herpes really smell.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
