I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize