I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I bet he comes in French.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
