Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
