Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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