I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
