Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
