The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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