alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
did you just send me my own nude
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
