So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize