So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
