Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
