Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize