the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
