i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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