The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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