6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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