Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
