apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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