i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
