The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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