bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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