grandma shit on top of the toilet
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
