I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
