So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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