so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
