I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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