On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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