What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
