I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
