so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
