I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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