i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
