So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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