If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
