You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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