When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
