He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
