the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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