we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
