I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he thought i was a dude.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
