so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
