I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize