Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
