You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize