i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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