her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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