she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize