she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I just sharted jello shots
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
