Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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