you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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