we're chasing vodka with high fives
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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