If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
