i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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