am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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