i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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