hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
