every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
