You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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