Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
