at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
