My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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