Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
