my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
nutella sex= disaster
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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