just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
