Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
