Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
