his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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