We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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