I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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