This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
