At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
