I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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