Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize