New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize