even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
