So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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