What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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